Manson's Verses

Collection of poems/verses/ideologies written over the years.

If you like what you read, please comment on it.

For pieces of writing that are missing titles:
if you like the verse, feel free to come up with a title for it.

A friend vs. something more

I keep wondering - how do you distinguish between people who you consider as friends (even good ones) vs. people who you think you love?

I mean, if someone is your friend, you would listen and support them, trust them, and both would enjoy the time that you are spending together. However, isn't that the same as for people who you love?

For me, if I were to describe it today, I think the distinction lies in the level of support you give. ie. a friend is someone you will believe in, but someone who you love is someone who you will go out of your way to make their dreams come true.

For example, say there was some act that someone wants to do or obtain that you do not really agree with. You listen to their points, and then you are really down to the basic choices as with any decision: accept, change, forget. Even though you do not totally agree with it, because they are someone you care about, you accept and respect their decision. At this point, this is the same that you would do for your friend and someone who is more than that.

The separation comes now - in the degree of support that you provide. In a friend's case, I would be inclined to just help when I am asked to, or offer 'spiritual' support. Whereas if it was someone who I care about a great deal, I would find ways to help pave the way so that they are successful in their aspiration. This would even go for things that might seem to be wrong, but because I accepted it, I would go out of my way and make their dream come true. While it begs the question of, what if this person makes a really really bad choice - to that I would answer if you cannot show them why it is a bad choice, you are either not really that close to them, or you need new friends... .. .

In some ways, this is I guess what parents do. For mistakes in life that are not detrimental, they let their children go at it once they see that the child has thought through and is 100% in on this. Then the parents often in the background, would watch over them and offer their helping hand, and ready to jump in if things turn south.

If I think back, this is probably subconsciously what I've been doing. I still remember a couple months back, when I had to buy a plane ticket. Sure the circumstances were different, but I can't help to think that I would have just bought the ticket without caring if it was someone else. It's funny to think back now, because maybe in some ways, she was right that I didn't care about this enough. Regardless, that is probably why we are not together anymore, because there was that hesitation.

Contrast that to a few months even before that, where the question for me was really when do you want me to buy the ticket, instead of 'if' I should buy the ticket. In some ways, I do wonder why I went out of my way to make sure she doesn't feel alone. Maybe it's where she was, but I wanted to make sure she was ok. Is that what a friend would normally do? Who knows - since that relationship has always been a weird one anyway... .. .

3 Goals for 30... the solution to the many doors situation?

The walking through 'many doors' situation...

So the problem is, if there are too many choices, I end up not being able to pick a door to walk through. It is great to be the one choosing, but too many choices paralyzes a person, and keeps me just standing there, opening more doors. I get myself the key, but never walk through to see what the other side of the door really has to offer...

Perhaps the reason for my hesitation is that I really do not have a set goal in life. I obtain the keys to open a door, but I never feel the urge to open it. When there is something that I should dive and completely absorb myself in, my nature pulls me away from it, partly because I no longer know when or even how I should walk through a door.

So the solution? Maybe all I really need are goals. My own goals, not ones other set for me. With these, I will walk through the doors of life, and not look back. If I go through the wrong door, then so be it. If I am always afraid of making the right choice, then I will never make a choice - which is no better than making a bad choice.

Success is defined to most people by achievements, but true success comes from one's ability to perservere and rise from adversities.

So with that, my 3 goals for 30:
Find 1 for eternity
Find 1 000 to create the foundations to break out of the crystal shop
Find 1 000 000 and be strong and competent

I don't see clearly how I can achieve it yet, nor do I have the means to. But to break out of the many door situation, these goals will be what I work towards. The realization of thse goals will come at the defiance of impossibility :).

Generally Methodology...
For these 3 goals, if the whole world goes against me, then I will gladly go head on against the world! :)

During the striving for these 3 goals, I would imagine that though they would not contradict, they would get in each other's way. If all 3 cannot somehow be divided up and worked on concurrently, the following rule will apply:
Where they interfere with one another, priority of goal 1 > 1000 > 1000000. Simple as that!

Let's see how far I get in 3 years...

On Designing Life...

After two hours of How I Met Your Mother yesterday, one dialogue caught my attention.

Lily: "... You can't design your life like a building, it doesn't work that way. You have to live it, and it will design itself."
Ted: "...So I just do nothing?"
Lily: "No. Listen to what the world is telling you to do, and take the leap."

Haha. What a great show. A funny sitcom teaching a life lesson. Isn't that awesome?

There is so much truth in these few lines though. I mean, I can sit here and imagine the perfect ideal life, and try to get the pieces fall into place. Try to account for the unexpected, etc.

...But life really just does not work that way. No matter how prepared you are, life will throw a wrench at you. The only way to not feel that life has thrown a wrench at you when you least expect is to not be expecting anything at all! If life throws a wrench at you, catch it, and use it to help you make something even better.

By this, I don't mean that I will not plan ahead for the future anymore, but when there are times when leaps are available, I should take it.

Pursuing of Happiness

Learn from my past, and not make the same mistakes again...

Who'd have thought that two years since, is when I will find a person that I am willing to make sure that I do not forget the lessons I learned in the past for.

Funny that the suddenness, the distance, the timing, the hesitation, are all mixed in together and happening at once. Perhaps this is fate's way of testing the resolve of my promises.

Being someone who tends to overthink wayyy too much for my own good, it would be a lie to say there are no doubts or worries in my mind. But taking a step back, what's the worse that can happen? Really, there are only two negative outcomes:
a. Fail without trying, and
b. Fail having tried.
...I'd kick myself again if I ever lazy-a55 myself to do the former. (Thx ex-Seattle buddy for reminding me that!)

On another note, so I guess that after two years, it seemed that I was on to something when I thought that happiness really depends on two people, and that one person can never really bridge the distance of two people. Regardless of how much one person can try to put in, it can only go so far.

I cannot foresee the future, but I do not want to see again the results of the past, I really cannot afford to make the same mistakes as I had in the past because I do want my present to continue on...

As I told an old friend a couple days ago, chances like this don't come by often. When it comes, I can't hesitate anymore like in the past. We are not young anymore that we can afford to just let opportunities of this importance slip by...

Wouldn't you agree?

On Mistakes...

From How I Met Your Mother...
"It's a mistake I have to make...
Sometimes even when you know something's a mistake, you have to make it anyway...
Certain things you know it's a mistake but you never really know it's a mistake cuz the only way to know that it's a mistake is to make the mistake and look back and go yup, that was a mistake.

So really, the bigger mistake would be to not make the mistake, because then you'd go ur whole life not knowing if something is a mistake or not...

...and damit, I made no mistakes..."

Don't just fail... either succeed, or fail miserably.

The Alchemist...

After saying I would complete this entry for a few months, finally have some time to think through this. Don't even remember all of it now, but here goes what I still remember of it.

The Alchemist...
This book showed up literally out of nowhere... A book given to me by a person I haven't talked to in a year+. But what timing it was that I am introduced to this book at this particular moment in my life. At a point where I am asked to think what my next steps should be, and what is it that I want out of life. At a time when I am undergoing a full self reflection on my past year, to find that it seems to me that I still cannot identify what makes my eyes light up. I have gained the strength to persevere and attain what I am told to attain, but the sparkle that can inspire and motivate others, the 'it' that makes me be the person to dictate what to obtain, is lacking.

The merchant, the shepherd, the alchemist, the englishman, and the baker. All 5 of these characters were pretty interesting in this book. Each with their own personality and traits...

The Merchant - A man with a dream. It's the dream that keeps him wishing and regretting, because while it is a dream that he has and see himself achieving, he would never go and achieve his dream. Not really stuck in a rut, but afraid to chase his dream once he realizes he is able to chase it.

The Shepherd - the main character in the story. He had a comfortable enough life, but trades it for more so he can see more of the world. In the process, he loses everything not once, but thrice. Only to see that the treasure he had been trying to find was at the very place where his journey first started.

The Alchemist - the one who had completed his own objective it seems. He recluses at an oasis, and seems content with his life. Yet in this book, isn't he a contradiction? Isn't the point of dreams to spur on the next dream? Is his next goals to show others the way? Is that his purpose?

The Englishman - the one who reads and reads but does not read the signs and languages of the world. Though he is very knowledgeable, he misses critical signs around him. Reminds me of people who are heads down and not doing anything other than studying. They will achieve a goal, but because he is so focused on his goal, he misses all the experiences it could have given him. Pigeonholed I guess...

The Baker - the one who probably had a dream like the shepherd in the past; but because he is all settled in, he is content with his life and no longer wishes for the same dream. If someone approaches and tempts him with the dream, the baker would probably ponder for days about it... Minimal risk, not greatly happy with what he is, but not sad by any means.

In some aspects, I guess like most people, I have been one of these 5 people at some point in my life depending on the situation. Being so young, it almost seems that I should always be a shepherd... charging forward and ready to give up anything and everything if it means I can get one step closer to my ultimate dream. But like another friend has said, it is not too realistic in our society today that we can get up and leave absolutely everything behind... or is it?

Onto my dream... what is it? It is not so much that I don't know what it is. In a way, I am the merchant... I know what I would want to try, but in the process of acquiring what I need in order to proceed with the journey, I have become stuck in this crystal shop - watching others pursue their dream instead of being one of them. For the merchant, the loss associated of packing up the crystal shop has trumped the idea of the dream of Mecca.

Unlike the shepherd, the merchant had invested time and sweat into this shop. Maybe during this time, though his original dream was going to Mecca, the crystal shop has become a part of him. Would you give up your limbs to achieve a dream? Let's say you have achieved your dream, then what? Without your limbs, you can reminisce that you have achieved your dream, but the price you have paid would have been far too great...

I do not think that the merchant is naive to think that he cannot just get up and leave (within a reasonable time frame), it's just that he is already too attached. If say a storm came in and took out his shop, then I'd bet he probably go to Mecca. Sure, one could argue that the merchant doesn't have to wait for fate to strike him, that he can strike himself. But seriously, I don't think the delay of gratification entails purposely removing yourself from something that is going well...

Maybe what the merchant should consider is the combining and integrating of his reality with his dream. I wonder if it ever crossed his mind to set up a crystal shop outside of Mecca - then he'd be able to go any day. But then again, maybe his first mistake was getting too attached to creating a successful base, so successful he can longer leave.

The goal of this book was suppose to give me courage to pursue this dream. But the more I see the world, the more I see how unrealistic this dream is in its raw form. If I had infinite resources and no responsibilities, then I would carefreely pursue this dream like the shepherd - but the truth is I do not just own sheep and walk around all day. My ultimate dream is not only composed of this particular dream, but composed of several other goals/dreams as well. I am a greedy person - I do not intend to achieve one dream and let other dreams fail. I want it all. This does not mean that I am half-a55ing each individual dream, but rather, I am choosing (or rather, I want to choose) to live a life that will mean that at any moment, I can look back and be satisfied with my life, because I am seeing all my dreams coming true, intermingling and complimenting one another. Though this may mean that my pursuit will be that much harder; I would never expect anything that is worthwhile can easily be achieved...especially the dream that I call the 'ultimate dream'.

This book is right though that to achieve a dream, you must be moving. Two years ago, I had the idea of how to combine my dreams together. I didn't know how then, but at least the idea was there :P. With all the things that have gone on in the past year, I had become distracted and had forgotten about it. The merging of dream and current circumstances, that is my 5 year plan. But I am not moving fast enough, time to step it up a notch or two.

Success and Ignorance

If a person achieves alot, people think they are successful.
If a person does it often enough, people think they are lucky.
If a person is lucky enough, they are envied.
Then you hear from people that things come easy to them... and I had a rougher life than this person...

What the mass tend to forget is how the person starts to achieve alot anyway. You don't become successful because you have a nice life. You become successful because you tried, and am trying correctly. Having a nice life only ends up giving you a different set of worries.

Those who think people walk into success are ignorant of all the efforts that has gone into being effortless. You see a person get a high mark on a test. Have you ever thought about how the successful person studied the whole time while you were drinking your life away? You say you studied the same amount as them, have you ever thought HOW the 'successful' person study? Are they staring blankly into a book? What do they do when they don't understand a concept? Do they sit and draw doodles, or be proactive and get help or start mapping similar questions together?

You see someone excel at work. Do you see what they do at work? Are they really working and trying to get an understanding of everything? What are they doing that you are not? What are you doing that they aren't?

When things out of your control happens and blocks your path. What do you do while this is blocking you. Are you wasting your time trying to unblock something that cannot be unblocked? Or do you realize that there is nothing more you can do, so you go about preparing all the other pieces so that once you are unblocked, you can steam roll through?

She was right. She wasn't lucky to be where she is. I knew this after I said it too; just I didn't know how to put it into words... just took two years that's all :)

Nothing Will Change If You Wait - Rumbling Hearts (Eps 10)

Recently finished an old anime called Rumbling Hearts... some quotes from episode 10:
Even if it's just a pebble, if there's a ripple, that person will move...
Nothing will change if you are too scared...
...It's not a problem about being strong or weak, this is for your future's sake
...Time.. (it) will just pass by if you do nothing. (Waiting) won't solve a thing
...Whether the way I am right now is correct or not, I wouldn't know unless I move, in the end I might experience painful memories... but waiting won't change a thing...

Contrary to the belief, I have never tried acting to obtain eternity, content to wait until the first pebble had dropped before moving. Had I seen a point to cause a ripple, I will gladly throw that first pebble in...but it's hard to predict the size of the ripple before the pebble gets dropped...and I had always moved after others have caused a big enough ripple with their pebbles...

But waiting is really not the answer is it? A future is created not by waiting, but by risking... If you are not willing to risk and try, then time will just pass by.

...Never really understood why you are afraid, nor what you were waiting for...but I guess everyone sees things differently. I would never want to dream a vivid dream out of such magnitude alone, but I am no longer content to let time pass by...and so to the waiting me, sayanora.

When next we cross paths, I will not and cannot falter; so together we will forge a dream to prove true to eternity...

Bleach Movie Ending Theme Song

*I want you to love me, but I don't think you will"
I wander around as I repeat this to myself
It's the only answer I have, even if I'm scared of getting hurt
I'll say "I love you' to the one I love.

Do you love me or not?
I don't care what the answer is, just let me know
No matter how badly I desire to be with you,
there're many unchangeable things in the world,
and my love for you can't be stopped by anyone.

As 1000 nights pass, I long to tell you...
I have to let you know.
*I want you to love me, but I don't think you will'
I wander around as I repeat this to myself
It's the only answer I have even if I'm scared of getting hurt
I'll say "I love you' to the one I love

Putting these feelings into words is so scary, but I'll say 'I love you' to the one I love'

The happiness we chance upon in our lives can't be expressed in words
That's why we can only smile.

As I looked at the road I'd traveled and the path ahead, my eyes were filled with cowardice.
I wanted to look into your eyes, but was afraid I wouldn't be honest
I didn't want to know that you didn't love me
and live the rest of my days all alone
That day, I kept on loving you without getting hurt.


Even if my feelings aren't returned, I can say "I love you" to the one I love
And that's the most beautiful thing in the world

Thoughts from Forrest Gump

So after so many years, I finally got a chance to sit through and watch Forrest Gump...

It was a very happy story in a way, but also sad. Here is a guy (played by Tom Hanks) who what most people would call a retard, but he lucks out all his life and gets to do things only people can only dream of. Sees the president not once, but twice, representing the US during the Cold War, supposedly influencing tons of major events in the history of the US, a medal of honor recipient, AND owns a successful company... all in one lifetime.

But even with all these external things and doing the right things at the right moment in time, you can hardly say he had it all. I mean, it still took him an eternity to get to be with the person he loved... Regardless of all the fortune and fame and luck he had, the only goal he always seemed to miss is her.

Finally, when he does get to be with her, she dies in a few years... Only thing he knew he wanted in life, he couldn't get... when he finally had it, all he could do was watch it slip away... without being able to do anything about it.

So was Forrest Gump (I think that's the main character's name) really happy and successful? He lived a full life to be sure, but didn't get to spend it with the one person he loved for most of it...

I guess the better question is: what could he have done to change this self fulfilling fortune... He went with the flow and became a person worthy to be loved... at the expense of almost missing out in her life completely. Perhaps he should have tried harder to go for the girl of his dreams... but then again, would the girl of his dreams be with her if he didn't become the person he was at the end?

On a side note:
'stupid is as stupid does'... Still don't quite get what it means... Does it mean that someone who is stupid will do what a stupid person does? Sounds sort of mean doesn't it? Hrm.. I wonder...

Random Quotes Collected From Random Places Part I

On Love...
"To love someone deeply gives you strength. Being loved by someone deeply gives you courage?
- 老子

"...It is only in the mysterious equations of love, that any logical reasons can be found...I am only here tonight because of you...You are the reason I am...You are all my reasons."
- Beautiful Mind

"In order for two halves to be whole, each half must be whole on its own... You can't be with someone until you know yourself"
- O.C.

"No matter how far you are geographically, the longest distance is when you realize that you no longer exist in his/her world"
- Don't Remember Where

"Effort vs. Impact
Trivial things that have great impact are worth more than things that require great effort but have little impact.
Impact is in the eye of the receiver; what you see as meaningful may be meaningless for the other."
- Me

"If you are sure you are going to fail, then why try?... cuz it feels right."
- Me

"4 Pillars of Love: Trust, Respect, Communication, Love"
- From a Very Good Friend

On Dreams and Chances...
"Don't just create chances, but seize the opportunity..."
- Don't Remember Where

"Illusions cannot be disregarded, for in it lies the essence of our dreams"
- Don't Remember Where

"Can't be afraid to chase your dreams... Give everything that you got for the thing that you want..."
- Me?

"The more important your dreams is to you, the more you want to hold on to be careful"
- Steve Pavlina Website?

On Life
"Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow"
- Me?

"Fighting is bad, but if you have to fight, then win..."
- Don't Remember Where

"Grow up and decide things on your own and what path to take...If you fail, then get up and try again"
- Me

"Kindness should not go unrewarded"
- Me

"As long as you don't hurt anyone... and one side benefits.. then is it ok?"
- Me

"If you don't like it, change it.
If you can't change it, accept it.
If you can't accept it, leave it."
- Some Motivational Speaker Talk Session I had gone to

On Fear and Change
"When did u become someone who half-assed your way through things? Someone who was afraid to lose and can't follow through with what you decided?"
- Me

"What would you do if you weren't afraid?... Fear can sometimes be good, when you are afraid things are going to get worse if you don't do something, it can prompt you to action. But it is not good when you are so afraid that it keeps you from doing anything."
- Steve Pavlina Website

"Anticipate change, AND don't fear not overthink since you need to adapt quickly to change...Be ready to enjoy change and change/move with your dreams."
- Steve Pavlina Website...might have paraphrased?

"If you do not change, you can become extinct"
- Steve Pavlina Website?

Morality & Meant To Be - June 14 2006

June 14 2006...
completed on Mar 16, 2007
Today reminded of many things...

Around this day one year ago, I stopped playing a game that I didn't want to play.
On this day, I made a promise that I have yet to fulfill.
And now, on this day, as much as I dislike games, it seems that I should play the game again, only this time I will be playing, no longer walking in with a handicap...but completing this entry one year later, I find I cannot walk this path with my head held high

Maybe its the way summer affects me, caged inside a school, my thoughts run wild; but then changing for the better or worse, who is someone to judge? In one person's eyes, you may be changing for the worse, but others may think you have become stronger. Perhaps this applies to morals as well; as long as you can convince yourself that what you are doing is right, then perhaps it is okay to be immoral. Since the more you look at it, the perception of immorality is really relative, and not absolute. But then again, if you convince yourself of a lie or a fact, then do something that is immoral to many people, are you still moral?

Another statement I recalled today:
"Things that should have happened between friends would have happened if it was meant to be".
Now what exactly does 'meant to be' mean? At the end of the day, isn't it the thoughts and actions of the two people that drive this 'meant to be'? So now what if your thoughts and actions are contradictory? Then does that mean these two can never be?

If whenever you get close, you forcibly pull yourself away, can you call that not meant to be? Or even worse, if you finally acted, but then deny ever acting for the sake of friendship, is that not meant to be?

Those that believe this must think that humans do not have the capacity for change. If that be so, then people that were together will never be apart, and people who were never together would never be together. People do change, as it is this very characteristic that wonders in this world can appear...but like all great things in this world, this same trait can lead us to ruin.

So in the end, maybe if we were all more immoral, then maybe what was meant to be CAN actually be... or perhaps morality is not the issue here, but rather, what should be CAN actually be, if only we are brave enough to take that blind leap of faith...

4A Workterm - Fall 2006 - Random Thoughts

The string of events this weekend has reminded me that I will soon need to head back to TO. Can't believe 13 weeks has past since I arrived here. To be honest, this place has been very good to me. I feel I have grown slightly having to really live on my own, and the daily dose of clear blue sky has made me feel much more clear headed.

Thinking a bit more, perhaps the reason I like it here so much is that it is almost my escape from reality. Sure there were little kinks here and there, but overall it has been a great experience. Not to mention that I have either dropped any outstanding issues that I have, or have pushed the decisions for them until Jan onwards.

It's great to be in a new place, where you start off with a clean slate, and you can take with you only the pieces that you wish to remember from your past. But what I've realized in these brief 4 months is that, running away is not the answer... eventually you will have no where to run to. The past does catch up eventually, no matter where you go.

3A Waterloo - July 2005 - Untitled

Completed in Nov 2006

Four miles away from each other brought us together,
Four hundred miles away from each other didn't seem to matter,
Four thousand miles apart brought problems paramount,
Fourty thousand miles ahead were too many days to count...

Subtle signs slowly surfaces,
Intuition and hope intermingle,
Reality and eternity remain unbridgable.
Times past and stories remain questionable.

If the whole world goes against you, then I will go against the world
If I fall against the world, then for you I will stand again to face the world.
Until the world sides with eternity, I will go against the world.
Until I find you by my side, I will go to my world in our dreams.

...But where is the dream that I am in?

4A Workterm - Fall 2006 - (Excerpt from Ouran)

There are indeed many things in this world that can't be changed no matter how hard you try...

That's why, you can't hesitate when the time comes when you have to give it all you've got.

4A Waterloo - 2006 June - Dream Chasing

What is the point of knowing what you want, if you don't have the power to grant them?
...Now eventually you can amass the power you need to achieve your dream, but here's a thought:
Wouldn't it be better to have the power to grant wishes before hand, so that when you do know what you want, you don't have to race against time towards the finish line?

But then I ask:
What is the point of having the power to grant wishes, when you don't even know what you want?

Some people dedicate their whole life to give themselves the power to grant their desires, but it seems that there is an infinite amount of power and desires to gain for any individual to obtain at any one point in their life. So what exactly are these people trying to accomplish?

Consider these people who dedicated their life to thinking that they can attain the power to grant their wishes. Now what happens when they realize that they have gotten everything they could, BUT they missed one thing in their chase, prohibiting them from grasping the very dream they had worked so hard to obtain.

To the world they are successful because with all the powers they have gained, they have the means to achieve many dreams others wish for; but in the minds of these people, wouldn't they have failed in the most miserable way possible? A fool who tried to chase after a dream, only to realize that when the moment comes, they don't have what it takes to obtain the grail. All the time spent amassing this wealth in other's eyes, but they can't even trade it all that for the only thing they wanted...

Perhaps this is just the result of poor planning, being unable to fully see their dream when they first begun their pursuit. But in this world where dreams are influenced and moved by the collective fates of the masses, even those who choose to carve their destinies are subject to this chaos.

So I ask again, what is the point of having the power to grant wishes, when you don't even know what you want? ...But then again, how confident are we to think that we can always win in a race against time?

3A Waterloo - Summer 2005 - Mr and Mrs. Right

Excerpt from Thermo Textbook (pg 202)...

"...People who insist on finding Mr. or Ms. Right to settle down are bound to remain Mr. or Ms. Single for the rest of their lives..."....


I would go against the world, if you'd only believe in me.

2B Workterm - 2005 April (Winter) - With One...

With one look you see and wonder about the tears in my eyes,
With one word you reveal and command the feelings hidden in my heart,
With one touch you feel and melt away the fear in my mind,
With one kiss you blow away the whispers and voices in my past.

But with one look at me you choose to turn away from my life,
With one word you crush my hopes and feelings with goodbye,
With one touch you push away my body and mind,
With one kiss you seal the fated ending of our time.

And so once again you return to the land of my dreams,
but refusing to appear in our times...

Recollections of the Past - Eternity Series (2004 - 2007)

Link to the Eternity Series:

1B Waterloo - 2003 - Untitled

Leave behind the thoughts of the past,
Believe in the dreams of the future,
Forget about the happiness of the ages,
And chase after the peace of the present...

1A Work Term - 2003 - Short Verse on an Angel

In times of confusion, the fabled angels came into reality, and swept away the uncertainties of the past. From the past, an angel, resembling the stranger of the beautiful dream, came into reality...

Having failed to become that of the dreams, fate has chosen to split apart those of worth and of weak. Forever apart, hope can but only disappear into the dimming background...

"It is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all."

1A Waterloo - 2003 - A Dream to Become (Unfinished)

A past that had false meaning,
A past that had true feeling,
A past that had a boy dreaming,
A past that had dreams failing,
A past that left hope hoping,

1A Waterloo - 2003 - Untitled

The past that brought pain,
The past that haunts the present,
The past that was filled with dreams,
Now remains but a soft lingering note,
Echoing into the world of hope,
The sound is lost to the vastness of space.
While deadening silence fills the void in the heart,
Feelings remain numb from the past…

Post XIII - 2002 July - Summer before Waterloo

As we go on to a new chapter in our lives, things left unsaid and feelings left unfelt continue to go on unnoticed. Pray't will not matter much though, for longingly I await the day when the stranger in my dreams will appear in reality, and endlessly will I endure fortune's fate to become the fabled noble;

for that day..
my heart will soar and my dreams will come true... but till then, can the heart really endure the grief that it has endured, the pain it has hid?

Post XIII - 2002 June - Untitled

In dreams we will meet,
In heaven we shall part,
In bliss you will love,
In hope I will become,
In life we will strangers.

XIII - 2001 Dec - Note of Self-reliance (meaning derived from a book)

Gives rest to the soul, dependence upon another strains both you and the other; with your decline in character, lost is your happiness. Yet self-reliance’s not the same as selfishness. With self-reliance, helping others become possible and thus further virtue and character of self.

XIII - 2001 Fall - Dreaming of Life to Return

Wishing for happiness,
Whishing for hope,
Wishing for dreams,
Wishing for the end.
Dreaming of love,
Hoping for life,
Dreaming of you,
Seeking for truth.

Withering and dying,
Like a flower in the fall,
Green grass comes in spring,
But how long’s winter’s thaw?
Seeming like an eternity,
The cold brings about a chilling serenity.
Freezing sanity from within,
Patience for rebirth wears thin,
Bright light flickers glimmering [fluttering] in the wind [as it strives in vain].

XIII - 2001 Fall - Untitled

Virtue shines brightly in light,
Brighter when fighting sad endless plight.
Flickering when hope loses sight,
Continually enduring fortunes’ constant might.

Virtue remains the life of hope,
Ceaseless turmoil forces life to cope.
Molding character from joyous innocence,
The virtuous’ road dashes the dreams of the past,
Reducing previous innocence into a simple nuisance.
The strong last while the meek becomes lost,
Simple unending happiness halts for the weak,
Never to return until the heart has seeked.

XII - 2000-01 - Untitled

Friends we are,
Friends we’ll be,
Friends we’ll stay,
Friends forever be.
Never more than friends
Yet never close till the end,
But that End never comes,
And dreams falter while sadness remains….

XII - 2000-01 - Untitled

The meek grasps for the wings of love,
But fails and plunges down into a trough,
Feeling only the same lingering sadness within himself,
He feels no pain, or so he thinks,
For life has dealt him enough blows to drive him insane.
With crushed desires in mind mixed with false peace,
The fool treads through the years,
Aimlessly walking about, hoping for nothing more but for the pain to go away.
(So the seasons came and went,)
Yet the pain remained,
And with each passing day,
The morality of the decent dwindled under the constant strain,
And with it, the mind, the soul and heart of the fool went down the drain,
Lost were his dreams, lost was his past, lost was his life, and lost is his future.

XII - 2000-01 - Contrary Contradiction

Longing love loathes the lord of light,
Whose pleasing pattern people proves to plight,
For the frightened fool fears the frail will fly,
Leaving lost love looking longingly for luminous life...

Written by a fool who sees life through a broken window,
Happy he was once when his dreams seemed achievable,
Looking through the eyes of the confused,
He looks once more into his past,
Hoping to find words of comfort and wisdom that he went by last,
Before the burden of his dreams crushed him beneath his feet,
And sent him plunging into the depths of defeat.
So this passage the fool shall write,
Hoping to rekindle the fire and compassion buried deep within the misguided heart of spite…

Through the will of the heart,
Nothing is unachievable
And against inadamant of objects,
All things are possible.
Knowledge comes at price, a cost many dare not pay;
But for those who take this chance,
The reward gained far outweighs the pain.

XII - 2000 - Dreams of the Past

Past passes, yet torments the presents
Dreams dashed and destroyed the decent
Swallowed by sadness, seething with sorrow,
The heart hopes, for what’s hollowed in a hole,
While the broken body breaks bit by bit by day
Willingly waiting for woe to go its way.

X - 1998 - Scribbles during Class

A love never to be,
A heart never to see.
A heart destined to love,
But his worth cannot be proved.
A wish to be granted,
A dream to be shattered.
Love blinds all eyes,
So she cannot tell how a true knight shines.
For the beauty of the lady has a heart of coldness
And only the love of another can melt this coolness.
The dream of a lover has definite hardness
But to be turned down causes sadness

A love never to be,
A heart never to see.
A wish to be granted,
A dream to be shattered.
Betrayed or be betrayed,
Not knowing which is arrayed,
Can only cause you fear,
And fill your eyes with tears.

IX - 1997 - Attempt At Sonnet

It has destroyed countless of millions,
And corrupted innumerable thousands.
Dreaded at times by the bravest lion,
It never rests to its untimely end.
Like an eagle which soars through the air,
It is as free as an innocent bird.
With the gift to make fair, foul and foul fair,
It can bring forth great bliss or sad morbid.
With its limitless powers to seduce,
It gives all a chance to feel or kneel,
But when it tries to induce and produce,
All maliciousness and toils will be healed.
Cruel as a fiend, gentle as a dove,
It is the thing by which we call it…love.

IX - 1997 - Untitled

I wish I could fly through the air,
For nothing would I need care.
My troubles would be swept away by the wind,
And only bliss will I find.